


The Road Before Us

by Lunacorn



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Divorced JJ, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Future, Godfather Reid, POV JJ, Road Trips, Teen Henry, They aren't on a case
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24227821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunacorn/pseuds/Lunacorn
Summary: JJ and Spencer drive Henry across the country.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Spencer Reid
Comments: 22
Kudos: 89





	1. Pack Your Bags

“Henry! He’s here!” I yelled up the stairs. It’s crazy how fast time flies once you’re a mom, it’s like he was just afraid of monsters on Halloween last week, not 13 years ago. Henry was a young man now, and I couldn’t be more proud of the sensitive, gentle nature that he possessed. Sure, I wanted him to get good grades and succeed (which he did), but he was kind, and that’s all I really cared about. The phone vibrated in my pocket just as I reached for it to read: I’m here, do you guys need help with suitcases or anything?

I quickly responded: No, I don’t think so. Just give us a few minutes. You can wait in here if you want. :)

I grabbed a pair of brown leather sandals from beside the front door and slid them into my duffel bag. It was strange to pack for a casual trip after packing hundreds of “go bags” throughout the years, because I always had a mental check list for those. Slacks? Check. Button up shirt? Check. Underwear? Check. Some mascara and my tooth brush? Check. This was different, what do you pack for a cross country road trip? You know, the kind where you don’t chase down a serial killer?

The door opened, and I glanced over to see one of my favorite people on the face of this earth. My best friend, Spencer.  
“Kiddo! What’s taking you so long?” He shouted up the stairs, acting like this house and this family was his. Well, it basically was, if I was honest.

“Hey JJ,” Spencer walked over to give me a hug, “Did Michael leave already?”

“Yeah, his dad picked him up last night. He said that Will is taking him on a camping trip, I’m sure that will be fun.”

My ex-husband was a great father. While co-parenting wasn’t easy, Will handled it with grace and understanding. 

“Man! I had a new magic trick I wanted to show him. Oh well, I guess that gives me more time to perfect it…” Spencer trailed off, almost talking to himself at this point. “I was inspired by that one he really loved with the mouse, you know the one I’m talking about?”

“Honestly Spence, I don’t want to know. You better not be bringing any rodents into this house,” I laughed as I zipped up the duffel.

A loud shuffling came down the stairs, as Henry dragged his suitcase behind him. I looked at him and couldn’t help but smile at him, my sweet boy. How had this day already arrived? His first college visit. He stood there, beaming, “What do you think Uncle Spence, does it look good on me?” He was wearing a gray hoodie that read CALTECH across the front. He almost reminded me of Spencer back when I first met him, both of them with long messy hair and glasses. Of course, Henry was far blonder that Spence ever was.

“Good! It fits! Maybe we’ll make a Beaver out of you just yet.” Spencer looked over Henry with pride, then led his godson out the front door and loaded the car. “Now, you’re going to have to let your Mom ride shotgun, I hope you know that.” I took a deep breath and smiled, I was glad that my life had led me to this perfect moment.

According to Google Maps, it was a 40 hour drive, and that was without stopping. We had originally planned to fly, but Spencer thought it would be more fun to take Henry’s Spring Break and just make a trip out of it. So, we came to a compromise: Spencer would rent a car and we would drive to Pasadena, and fly back to Virginia once Henry had his visit and interview.

Our goal for this first day was to get to Nashville, and then we would take part of the following day to explore the area before hitting the road. I looked over at Spencer, he wore Ray-Ban sunglasses and a cardigan over a t-shirt and smiled to himself as he hummed along with the radio.

“I don’t think I ever imagined you listening to the radio on a road trip… I think of you more as an audiobook guy,” I said quietly as I stared out the window at the trees lining the road.

“You imagined me on a road trip?” Spencer smirked as he glanced over at me. I felt my eyes roll as I turned to the backseat, checking on Henry who was asleep, his headphones on and his face smushed against the pillow he leaned on the window.

Spencer continued, “I actually lose patience with audiobooks because I know that I could read so much faster. Did you know that the average audiobook is only read at a rate of 150 words a minute? When comparing that to 20,000 words a minute, it’s mind-numbing.” I gave a short snort at his frustration and looked over at him with a smile.

“Thanks for doing this Spence,” I said gently and patted his knee, “you know this means the world to him. He’s been talking about it for the last month.”

“JJ. I promised you I would help Henry in any way I possibly could the day he was born. How could I not do this? You are my best friend. He is my Godson. Plus… Caltech? This is basically my dream come true.”

“I know,” I sighed, “It’s just… I’m just… really happy we’re doing this.”

“Me too.”

—————————

We pulled into the parking lot of our hotel as Spencer and Henry were in the middle of their ongoing debate about Pluto being a planet or not. Their conversations started going above my head when Henry was about 14. He loved space as a little boy, but something seemed to click when he was in 8th grade, and he was a sponge for information about it ever since. Spencer loved this, and fueled the fire with every single book he could find for Henry and every little field trip they could possibly take.

“Well, it really just depends on if you are relying on the geophysical definition of planet or not,” I heard Henry add as Spencer put the car in park. 

“As much as I love this conversation, I need to check us in. Henry, do you want to start grabbing bags while your Mom and I go inside?”

Spencer slowly got out of the car and stretched, his shirt raising up so I could see a sliver of skin above the waist of his jeans. I felt myself turn away quickly in embarrassment, not wanting to admit that my eyes sometimes searched for these little glances and moments. We walked inside and stood at the front desk, “Yeah, hi… I’m Spencer Reid, checking into our room.”

The man behind the desk typed something quickly into the computer and grabbed the keys from the back wall. “Thank you for choosing our establishment, sir. Enjoy your visit in Nashville, Mr. and Mrs. Reid.”

“Actually, it’s Doctor Reid, and she…” Spencer glanced over at me nervously, “umm… it doesn’t matter, uhh… thank you.” He tripped over his words and turned away as quickly as he could. “JJ, why don’t you head up to the room, I’ll give Henry directions and then… I need to make a call real quick.” 

“A call?” I looked at him questioningly, but he wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “Ok, see you in a few minutes, I guess.”


	2. Nashville

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ soaks in the first day of the road trip.

I woke up before both of the boys. Spencer let Henry and I each have a bed, and he took the pull out couch. He was always so thoughtful and such a gentleman. Henry and Michael were lucky to not only have a loving father, but a godfather that adored them and treated them as his own. As I snuck quietly to the bathroom to take a shower, I looked over at Spencer, he was curled up asleep next to an open book, just wearing plaid pajama pants. He looked so content and peaceful, I smiled knowing I’d keep this snapshot in the back of my mind for a long time. 

After my shower, I slipped on a green t-shirt dress and threw my hair in a ponytail. I opened up the door to the bathroom and saw Spencer at the sink, filling up the coffee pot with water to make our morning brew. He was still shirtless and in his pajama pants, with tired eyes and messy hair. 

“Shhh,” he whispered to me, “Henry is still asleep.” I let out a little giggle and put my arm around him, laying my head on his shoulder.

“I can always count on you to caffeinate me,” I whispered through my smile. He let out a quiet laugh and I felt him gently kiss the top of my head.

“What can I say? I’ve seen you without your morning coffee and I do not want to deal with that today.”

We had moments like this all the time. Moments where I felt like we were both completely happy and ourselves. I always wondered if these were those soul-mate, twin flame moments, and we’d just have little ones for the rest of our lives. I’d told him I loved him many years ago, a few years before my divorce, but we got over the awkwardness quickly and life moved on. He’d had a few serious relationships, I tried online dating (yikes), but we never addressed any other feelings since then. We didn’t need to. I was content on having small moments of peace and perfectness with Spence, and he seemed happy with them too, so why ruin a good thing? 

I left a note for Henry on the bathroom door: Uncle Spence and I are at breakfast in the lobby, take a shower and come join us when you are ready. xo Momma

—————————

Henry lazily entered the lobby. He was wearing a t-shirt that read Eisenhower High School Soccer and a pair of black Adidas joggers. Spencer gave an exaggerated gasp, “Henry Dean LaMontagne?! At this hotel? How did I ever get to be so lucky?”

Henry rolled his eyes and chuckled, “Good morning Uncle Spence, good morning Mom.”

I leaned over to his chair to give him a kiss on his cheek, “How did you sleep, Honey?”

“Good. I’m starting to get nervous for my interview though, it took me awhile to actually fall asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“I don’t mean to brag, Henry, but having me as one of your references will give you a huge leg up at admissions. But, if that doesn’t put you at ease, I suppose we need to find you a distraction. Have you ever considered visiting The Parthenon?”

“The Parthenon? Uncle Spence, we’re in Tennessee, not Greece.”

“Well not the real, authentic Parthenon, but as close as we can get on this continent. After all, Nashville is considered the Athens of the south.” Spencer took a sip of his coffee and smiled fondly at Henry.

While The Parthenon was definitely full of tourists, I enjoyed listening to Spencer point out all the details to Henry, listing fact after fact. (“Yes, these are made of plaster, but they are direct casts of the originals, so they are incredibly accurate!”) I laughed as I watched Henry try to take a selfie with Spence in front of a statue, both making their silly faces. It was nice having nothing to worry about, not being on call. We were lucky to have Emily as our boss, willing to give both of us time off simultaneously. However, the BAU was larger than it used to be, giving us a little more wiggle room when one or two of us needed some time off.

“Mom! Are you coming?” Henry called over. The boys were ahead of me, so I quickly walked over as Spence’s pocket started to ring.

“Oh,” he looked down at his outdated flip phone, “Umm… I really need to take this, why don’t you two go ahead?” I nodded awkwardly, not used to Spencer being so cagey with his information and turned to Henry.

“You hungry, Sweetheart?” I asked as I wrapped my arm around him.

“Yeah, why don’t we head back outside.”

—————————

Henry chuckled to himself as he watched Spence try to eat his sandwich without all of the pulled pork falling out of the bun. “Uncle Spence, what happened to Julie? Mom said you two broke up? Why? I liked her.”

“Yeah, well, it’s hard to date as an agent, you have been around enough of us your whole life to know that. You know, your Uncle Dave was married four times.”

“But, don’t you want you want get married and have a family, and like, kids and stuff?”

“Henry, it’s rude to-“ I interrupted.

“No, JJ, It’s okay, he can ask me anything,” Spencer said gently, “Henry, you and Michael are two of the best things that could have happened to me, and your cousin Hank as well. It’s true that I will likely never be a biological father. The average age of a new father in the US is 30.9 years and I’m far past that. I’m not going to lie… there was a time that made me incredible sad. But, I have had the absolute honor of watching the three of you grow up, and like, be an active part of that. My real father couldn’t even say that about me. I’m not going to marry some woman just to hope to create something I’ve already been gifted with. If I ever get married, or have my ‘own’ family or whatever, I want to be certain that I’m doing it for the right reasons, and certain that it’s with the right woman.”

Henry gave a quiet smile to Spencer, and took a bite of his burger, thinking about what his godfather had said. I made eye contact with Spencer as he looked like he was going to say something more. But, he didn’t. Instead, we shared our gaze for a few more seconds.

We only had a couple hours to spare before we had to get on the road, so Spencer decided we’d explore the Opryland atrium (“I’ve heard that they have over 8,000 tropical plants represented- quite impressive for a hotel of all places, don’t you think?”) I quietly trailed the two throughout the walkways and behind the manmade waterfalls, watching an enthralled Henry as Spencer spurted information, acting as his private tour guide. Before we knew it, we were back in the car, hoping to get to Little Rock, Arkansas before midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments on my last chapter, they definitely encouraged me to write more- I still kind of feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but it's been fun to try!


	3. Little Rock

“So, I read that there is a nice indoor market. Do you want to get coffee and look around? I thought you might like that,” Spencer brushed his hair in front of the mirror while Henry was in the shower. We slept in later than expected.

“I’m sure I’d like that,” I replied, “But I’m not sure that you would. Wouldn’t you two prefer a local museum or something?”

“I’d prefer you to enjoy yourself. It’s your vacation too, JJ. Maybe we could take a hike after that, there’s a really beautiful park I’ve read about.”

“A hike? Who are you and what have you done with my Spencer Reid?”

Spencer smirked and tossed a denim jacket over his Doctor Who t-shirt. “This trip isn’t about what I’d want to do, it’s about spending time with you and Henry. You know, while we still have it.”

“While we still have it?” I looked over at him confused, “Spence, what is that supposed to mean…?”

“Oh, umm… you know, with Henry going off to school soon and all of that,” he replied awkwardly.

“Sure. Okay.”

Henry swung open the door to the bathroom, “Uncle Spence! Check your phone, NASA just released new pictures of Jupiter- there are some really cool pop-up clouds featured.” 

Spencer kneeled down to tie his Converse as Henry opened his laptop, pulling up the pictures on the larger screen. “Doesn’t it make you feel so small?” Henry whispered. Spencer walked over to his godson and sat next to him on the hotel bed, looking at the mesmerizing pictures.  
“Yes, it does. I’m glad that there’s something so profound and beautiful outside of this earth. It gives me hope,” Spencer patted Henry on the back and stood up, “Well Henry, we need to get your mother some coffee. How does an indoor market sound?”

—————————

I walked into the market and saw booths line the walls. Most were food or drink centered, but some had other handmade goods displayed. There were people all around, lounging at tables or walking with friends. Spencer knew I loved places like this. Places where I could sit and people watch. After analyzing monsters for years as a profiler, I just wanted to watch normal people do normal things, and remind myself that there really was quite a bit of good left in the world. We found a table in the corner where I could drink my coffee as Henry pulled out a travel-sized chess board from his back-pack. Spencer gave it to him as a gift for his 10th birthday and promised to teach him how to play, and still Henry brought it with him whenever he went somewhere with Spence. To be honest, I’m not sure how much Henry even really liked chess, I think he just liked to see Spencer’s face light up whenever he placed it in front of them.

“So, I’m glad you are wearing good shoes because we are going on a hike after this,” mentioned Spencer as he set up the pieces.

“Really?” Questioned Henry, “That’s… surprising? I saw we passed a Science museum on the way here… I figured we’d go there. That seems more our style.”

I looked at Spencer with a prideful smirk, thinking back to what I told him earlier. He noticed and shook his head with a grin. “Well, I thought your mom would rather go on a hike, but if you want to go to the museum, we can drop you off on our way to the park.”

“Are you okay with that, Mom?” Henry looked over at me with a wide-eyed look, “If you really want me to go on a hike with you instead, I totally will.” 

I touched his hand and nodded, “Of course I’m okay with that. If I can’t trust you at a Science Museum for a few hours, we probably shouldn’t be looking at a college across the country!” Henry smiled and moved his first pawn.

—————————

It was about a 20 minute drive to Pinnacle Mountain State Park. We took the East Summit trail, which Spencer promised would lead to a beautiful payoff. “I will warn you,” Spence noted, “We will have to cross some boulder fields.”

“Will your knee be okay with that?” I asked, knowing that it could still be sensitive at times.

“JJ, I’m a grown man, I can look out for myself. I’ll be fine. Thank you for thinking of me, though.” He started up the trail, setting a fairly quick pace. “Hey, JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we’d still be friends if I wasn’t at the BAU?”

I gave him a nervous look, “What do you mean?”

Spencer glanced down at his feet, purposely not turning his eyes towards me, “Like, if I left. Or, if you left… Would we still see each other like we do now?”

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to grab Spence’s hand, “Spencer. What are you talking about?”

His expression filled with worry as he still held on to my hand, “We are family no matter what, right? No matter what happens or where we are?” I could feel my heart beat a little faster and stomach drop. Something was clearly going on that he wasn’t telling me about.

“Spencer, you are irreplaceable to me. Think of all we have been through. For god’s sake, think about when you were in prison. I’ve seen what my life looks without you, and I have no interest in a life like that.” I could tell his eyes were getting wet and glossy. My hand squeezed his for one last time and then I let go. “What’s going on? Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, not yet. At least, not right now. But we will, I promise.”

We continued to trudge up the trail, mostly in silence. I tried to take in the natural beauty around us and not overthink the strange line of questioning that Spencer had just posed. Spence had a habit of being overly sentimental at times, so I hoped it came out of that. He didn’t used to be that way, but after the many traumas he had experienced throughout the years, it was one of the side-effects. He had a hard time connecting with people, so when he did, he clamped on tightly and couldn’t bare to let go, sometimes appearing too attached or needy. I took a deep breath, trying to let my worries drift into the soft breeze that swept over us.

“We’re almost there!” Spence shouted, looking back at me with a wide smile, which made his eyes squint. He reached the peak and stretched his hand back to pull me up, “Would you look at that!” In awe he exclaimed and pointed out to the horizon.

My jaw lowered, amazed by the view overlooking the river. The shades of greens and blue blended together, making the trees look like they were reaching towards us out of the water. Spencer wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. I leaned my head against his chest, feeling it rise up and down from his heavy breaths.

“It’s perfect, isn’t it?” He asked in a low voice.

“Yes. It is.” We stood in a hush, staring at the view for what seemed like hours but was likely only a minute or so.

“Well, we should head back down, we need to get out of the city by three if we are going to get to the next hotel at a halfway decent time.” He passed me his water bottle as I took a long drink.

“Oklahoma City, here we come!”


	4. Oklahoma City

“I’ve always thought I would be a cowboy in another life,” Spencer whispered to me as he stared at the portrait of a Frontiersman behind an ornate golden frame. We had stopped by the National Cowboy and Western Heritage Museum in Oklahoma City, a visit that oddly suited Spencer.

“I know, you’ve told me before,” I glanced at his face, still staring at the portrait with deep thought. It was actually a beautiful building, and way bigger than I expected, with tall glass windows to look over the fountains outside.

Henry jokingly made us listen to “Old Town Road" on repeat when driving from the hotel to the museum. What started as a giggle from the backseat as he played it to see Spencer’s reaction, ended with the windows rolled down and the three of us screaming lyrics at the top of our lungs. 

“You know, Henry,” said Spencer as we walked into the replica of the old western town, “Space and the wild west actually have a lot in common, both were the final frontier in their own right.”

“Well, the only person to ever get hit with debris from space WAS from Oklahoma,” Henry chuckled.

“Ah, yes, from the US Delta II Space rocket I believe,” responded Spencer, who then easily distracted blurted, “Henry, get a picture of your mom and I in front of this stage coach. Oh man this thing is cool.” We smiled as Henry snapped a photo on his phone, laughing at how excitable Spencer was with the scene around us.

“This seems weirdly right at home for you, Uncle Spence,” Henry looked down at his phone and snorted, “I’m gonna text this picture to Aunt Penelope, oh my god she will love this.”

“I mean, I am from Las Vegas, not quite the same feel, but we have our fair share of cowboys.” I often forget that Spencer grew up so far from Quantico. His life was so different than the one he had as a child, even the landscape must have been jarring at first. Sure, D.C. was pretty different from Pennsylvania, but at least they both had grass. 

Henry and I followed Spence around the museum and kept giving each other amused looks in response to Spencer’s reactions. He would excitedly point out a jacket or a musket or a painting, run his fingers through his hair, and smile uncontrollably. We agreed to only spend an hour or two at the museum, knowing that the drive to Albuquerque was longer than our previous lengths of travel, we needed to leave around noon. Even with that, it would be quite late when we arrived.

—————————

We had already been in the car for five hours. Henry was playing his Nintendo Switch in the back seat, I was texting Michael to check in, Spencer had his eyes on the road, looking deep in thought. The air smelled like fast food and pine air freshener, and the view out the window faded from any green left to a deep red and rocky sand. I spontaneously became uncontrollably sentimental, missing the days when Will and I would play 'I Spy’ with Henry on trips down to Louisiana when Henry was little. Michael was almost in Middle School now and those days seemed like they were in another lifetime.  
“I can’t believe in a couple years Henry will be the same age you were when you joined the BAU. That’s just so incredible to me, don’t you think?’  
“Hmm… What did you say?” Spencer glanced over the rim of his sunglasses at me, letting them slide down the bridge of his nose.  
“Nothing. I just feel old, Spence. And worried… that the best years of my life are behind me.”  
“Don’t say that. You’re still smart, and funny, and beautiful. You’ve got Michael and Henry. And Me. There’s lots left for you to do. Lots to look forward to.”

“Yeah, I know that. Like, I understand that logically, in my brain. But I think of all the moments I’ve taken for granted in the past, and just get incredibly sad.”  
Spencer reached his hand over and rubbed circles on my knee, “Well, don’t let this be one of them.” He gave my a cheeky smirk and put his hand back on the steering wheel. I looked out the window smiling, thinking how many- if not most- of those moments had in fact been with Spence. And, if he was still in my life, I was indeed bound to have plenty more.

—————————

“JJ. Wake up.” I felt my eyes slowly flutter open.

“Huh.. are we… there?”

“Not yet,” Spencer was now outside of the car, opening the door to the back, “Henry, bud, wake up, I want you to see something.”

Spence grabbed a blanket from the trunk and then walked around to the front of the car, laying it across the hood. Henry and I joined him as he helped both of us up to sit on the blanket. Then, he took the keys out of the ignition, and I understood.

“Woahhhhh!” Henry exclaimed as he looked up at the heavens.

“Henry, remember when I said there was no night sky like a desert night sky? Well, I brought you proof.”  
We sat there, Henry to the left of Spencer and me to the right, as the two of them pointed out the different stars and constellations above them.  
“Do you see that one right there, JJ?” He directed me to a star on one side of the Milky Way. “That’s Vega. She’s a princess of the skies. And that one, right there?” I nodded. “That one is Altair. That’s her true love. He’s actually just a lowly cow-heard, I’m not sure what she sees in him other than he’s pretty good at playing the flute I guess.” Spencer gave a quiet chuckle at his own joke and then grew serious, “Well, she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him, but she did anyway, and they loved each other so much, they forgot all of their responsibilities and jobs because they wanted to spend all of their time together, so the God of heaven punished them.”

I gave Spencer a confused look, “How were they punished?”

“Well, what’s the only way you can punish someone in love? “ he said, now looking at me with solemn eyes, “You separate them. So, the God of heaven put a river- the Milky Way- between them. Do you see it right there?”

I nodded quietly.

Spencer continued, “But it’s okay, because they found a way to meet, but only once a year. On the seventh day of the seventh month. They wait and they long every day for 364 days to be together for just that one night. Altair really loves her though, I bet he’d wait 364 years.” I felt Spencer graze my pinky finger with his. I couldn’t look at him, knowing that I would obsess and over-analyze the expression on his face. I’d rather just imagine it and hope that’s what it really was.

“Well, THAT was depressing,” blurted out Henry. “Let’s talk about how the speed of the Milky Way contradicts the laws of Keplerian dynamics instead.”

Spencer shook his head with a muffled laugh, “Oh Henry, you remind me of myself to a fault sometimes. Let’s get back in the car, we really need to get to Albuquerque.”


	5. Albuquerque

One… more… mile.

I kept turning up the speed on the treadmill in the work-out room. The many hours I had spent in the car the last few days were really wearing on me, and I needed a morning run to clear my head. As a bonus, the room was small enough that someone would have to be pretty desperate to use the one machine beside me, so I had the space to myself.

“Knock, knock.” Spencer opened the door miming a knocking motion. “Wow, this place is pretty sad, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, not very inviting, huh?”

“Hey, did you know that the first version of the treadmill was actually invented 4000 years ago? Also, strangely enough, the treadmill was actually used as a form of punishment for prisoners in the early 1800s.”

“Well, I am trying to punish myself for the two bags of Cheetos I ate in the car yesterday,” I gave a small laugh at my own joke. Spencer sat lazily on the exercise bike, drinking coffee out of a hotel branded styrofoam cup. His phone vibrated. I pretended not to notice, but out of the corner of my eye I could see his forehead wrinkle and mouth settle into a straight line as he hung up the call without answering. He sat silently, the noise of my heavy breathing from my run was the only sound that filled up the room.

My pace started to slow as I brought the treadmill to a stop. “JJ. We need to talk about something.” 

My hand trembled slightly as I picked up my phone and hotel key from the chair placed in the corner of the room. I kept my back towards him and tried to casually squeak out, “Hmm? What about?” Perhaps that moment last night, the one that made it impossible for me to sleep, was something he was actually courageous enough to bring up. I know I wasn’t.

Spencer let out a long sigh, “Well, we’re not only going to Caltech for Henry’s visit. I… umm… well, I’ve been offered a job. Head of the Mathematics department.”

“Oh.” I tried to fake a smile. That was the last thing I expected to hear him say. “Wow. That’s…. Well, wow. What did you tell them?”

“I haven’t really told them anything yet, that’s why they keep calling. Fred Llewelyn, who was my mentor of course, is retiring. And, well, he recommended me as his replacement, and one thing led to another… I had already been in touch with the president because of Henry, and… yeah. I told them I’d think about it and that we could discuss more when I got there in person.”

“Oh.” That’s all I could bare to push out. 

“JJ?”

“Mhmm?” I still wasn’t looking at his face, but staring down at my phone, pretending to check a test message or something.

“I want to know your opinion on the matter. In fact, there’s no one else in the world who has a more important opinion to me… especially on this. I mean, I know it’s an amazing opportunity, but, I’d like to think that…“ He trailed off and let his thought hang like a heavy fog. “I just really want to know what you think.”

“Spence,” I finally looked at his eyes, realizing now that he was studying me intently. I’ve seen this expression of his a million times, but usually he’s staring at a killer, not me. Finally, I loosened my jaw and tried to kindly say, “I think that if you decide that this is what would make you happiest, they’d be lucky to have you.”

Spencer’s eyes immediately broke from mine. He turned to throw his cup in the trash can and opened up the door. Then, his mouth stumbled, “Oh.. yes. Um, thank you.”

—————————

I looked down from the large windows over the mountains, the ground seemed so far away I started to get dizzy, so I quickly sat up straight and stared across from me instead. We were on the Sandia Peak Tramway, trying to enjoy the local scenery before our last long day in the car.

“Mom? You okay?” Henry leaned from the bench across from me and placed his hand on my knee.

“Yeah, Sweetie, I’m fine. Just a little vertigo when I look down.”

He leaned back in his seat and continued taking pictures of the vast New Mexico landscape around us. Spencer was sitting closely beside me and passed his water bottle. “Ya know, that’s a common misconception. What you’re feeling isn’t vertigo, it’s just the simple fear of heights. Drink some of this. If you want, you can squeeze my hand too… I’ve heard that helps.” I looked down as Spencer laid his hand, palm outstretched, in my lap. We intertwined our fingers, and all of a sudden I was painfully aware of how sweaty I was. But, he must not have minded too much, because he gave it a tight squeeze and started to rub the back of my hand with his thumb.

“Say cheese!” Henry pointed his phone’s camera towards us and we leaned our heads in towards each other. “Perfect. Aunt Penelope keeps bugging me for more pictures.” His voice then turned to a faux whisper, “She thinks I don’t realize she’s making another scrap-book for me. Good thing I’m excellent at pretending I’m surprised.” He made a shocked face and covered his mouth with his hand, practicing his future reaction for Penelope. Spencer and I both laughed and shook our heads… at least his God-mother wasn’t a profiler, or this kid wouldn’t stand a chance.

—————————

This was our last leg in the drive. I was excited to get a couple of days in Pasadena, just staying in one place for awhile until we had to fly home seemed so relaxing after our constant moving since we left. Yes, I was used to quick trips, but we usually spent at least a few days on one case. My phone vibrated in my lap, I picked it up, expecting a check-in text from Michael. 

“You two look cozy :P” It was from Penelope, with the picture Henry sent her of Spencer and I attached. I studied the picture. She was actually right- I’ve analyzed pictures for body language a million times, if this had been a case, I would assume that the two in the picture were together and happily in love: hands held together tightly, knees slightly pointed towards one another, heads leaning in.

Penelope had always tried to push the two of us together, even before my divorce with Will. I always chalked it up to some deep desire she had to play match-maker and her love of “girl talk.” Again and again, I had insisted nothing was going on, which was true. Nothing WAS going on. At least, I didn’t think so.

I finally decided to text back: Haha, you are hopeless. That smile is clearly me trying to hide my absolute fear of being thousands of feet up in the air from everyone on the tram! You should have seen my clothes drenched with sweat by the time we got down! Miss you, hope all is well! Xoxo.

Hopefully that indirect denial and change of subject would lead Penelope away from overanalyzing the photograph. I looked at the picture one more time, and then made the quick decision of saving the picture and deleting the text. I always hoped that Spencer and his obliviousness hadn’t noticed Penelope’s snide remarks in the past, but that text was a little too heavy-handed for him to miss. I don’t know why he’d be even looking on my phone to see it, but my paranoia got the best of me. 

Spencer interrupted my internal monologue. “Hey, can you let our Airbnb host know that we’ll get there at a 11, so just to send us the code. Here, use my phone, I have her under Sara dash BNB”

“Sure.” I picked up Spencer’s phone and went to his texts, ready to send the host our ETA. “Oh! Ummm…” Of course, there in his inbox was the same exact message and photo from Penelope. I couldn’t help but give a little defeated laugh… What else should I really expect from Penelope Garcia.

“What? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just Penelope being… Penelope.”

Spencer gave me an embarrassed glance out of the corner his eye and his neck turned a little pink. “She can be… a little insistent at times, can’t she?”

“I didn’t think you noticed, to be honest” I said quietly, hoping Henry had his headphones on in the back seat.

“JJ, it’s a little hard to miss.” 

I stared out the window, not sure what to say. Neither of us said a word for the next thirty minutes.


	6. Pasadena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ, Henry, and Spencer finally make it to Pasadena and experience their first day exploring Caltech.

“Henry! I need to go to the bathroom! Open up!” I knocked on the door repeatedly.

Henry cracked the door open, pale face peaking out, “Sorry Mom, I just don’t feel very good, I’m really really nervous.” Spencer walked in from the other room in his pajama pants and a t-shirt, with his morning coffee in hand. 

“Bud, you’re interview isn’t for two more days. There is no pressure today, really, I’m just going to show you around campus and introduce you to some people. Everything will be fine. And do you know what? If these people liked weird, awkward, strange, little 14-year-old me, they are going to absolutely love you, because you are a way cooler kid than I ever was.”

Henry opened the door slowly, showing his D.C. United jersey and khaki shorts. “I don’t really have BEING a child prodigy on my side though, Uncle Spence.”

“Well, you have a former child prodigy on your side, and a bad-ass mother on your side too, and that’s got to be worth something. Now, can you let your mother use the restroom? I’m sick of hearing her complaining about how badly she has to urinate.”

“Spence!” I hit him on the shoulder as he chuckled. Henry sighed and slowly opened the door and left the room.

Spencer was on top of the world as he drove us to campus, giving us more facts about Caltech than anyone would ever want and sprinkling in a story here or there. I let Henry sit in the front seat and I sat in the back, soaking in the pure joy and excitement of my two boys. 

The traffic was insane, but the beautiful California weather was worth the extra 30 minutes in the car. I could hear Henry list off questions that he had asked Spencer about Caltech a thousand times, but was clearly re-asking them as a source of comfort and familiarity. Finally, we drove onto the small campus. I stared out the window at the trees teaming with spring blossoms as they paraded around the brick academic buildings. It was beautiful. Part of me hated it, as I was preparing to not only lose my son, but my best friend, to this place so many miles from home. But, I knew I had to put on a smile and be supportive- this was a great opportunity for both of them.

Spencer led us into the nearest building, which I quickly figured out was admissions. They must have known we were coming, because a black board behind the front desk read, “Welcome, Henry” as well as a few other names. The woman behind the desk looked up, smiling, “Hello and welcome to Caltech! Do you have an appointment?”

“Yes, hi. I’m Dr. Spencer-“

“Dr. Reid! We’ve been expecting you! This must be Henry.” The woman walked around the desk and shook both of their hands. “Well, Dr. Reid, I’ve actually been asked to escort you to the President’s office for a VIP tour.”

“Oh, well, that’s not necessary, but thank you.”

“Please, Dr. Reid, President Winters insisted… Oh, hello ma’am, I’ll be with you in a second.” The woman smiled at me blankly, unsure of who I was, but trying to be polite.

“Oh, I’m sorry, this is Henry’s mother, Jennifer Jareau.” Spencer put his arm around me and gently nudged me towards him, trying to show the woman that I was with these two special guests she was falling over herself to welcome.

“Oh my goodness, of course, how rude of me,” she laughed awkwardly, “Welcome Ms. Jareau, now, if you three wouldn’t mind following me.”

The woman led the way, attempting to engage Spencer in conversation every chance she got: laughing at his jokes, asking questions about his job, feigning complete interest in every word he uttered. I could feel my stomach knot with jealousy, but tried to point out details of campus to Henry as we walked. Spencer must have been trying to eavesdrop on our conversation while the admissions woman chattered on, because I pointed out a beautiful tree which led to him turning around, almost shouting with excitement, “ISN’T that a great tree?! I used to study for my tests under it… It was smaller then, but, see that bench? It used to right over here… and I used to claim it for a whole afternoon to study. I even think I fell asleep on it once or twice.” Henry and I both laughed at Spencer’s pure passion for a bench, of all things. He loved this place, it seeped out of his every pore.

The president’s office was inside an old building in the center of campus. The woman knocked on the door and opened it to show an old, balding man with glasses and a tweed suit. “Dr. Reid,” the man thundered as he walked over to us, “I’m so glad you made it safely… and this must be your family.”

“In many ways,” Spencer smiled and looked over at us, “President Winters, this is my godson, Henry LaMontagne, he has applied for this upcoming school year. We discussed him on the phone, you might remember. This is SSA Jennifer Jareau, Henry’s mother, and my best friend.” 

“Ah, yes. You are looking to study Planetary Science, is that correct?”

“Yes, sir,” Henry smiled nervously as he shook President Winters’ hand.

“Well Henry, I have personally picked a student for you to shadow for the next day or so. He’s even invited you to stay in his dorm room for the true experience, if you are interested. I can vouch for the young man, he is an excellent young scientist and scholar, as well as quite friendly and conversational. I care about all of my students, and they are all brilliant. But, not all have the best personality to make a good impression on strangers… if you know what I mean.” Spencer and I made eye contact and chuckled, knowing that Spence’s lack of social skills made for the exact type of student the president was lamenting.

President Winters spent the next two hours walking us from building to building, asking Henry about his interests, and introducing us to various staff members. Even though I knew Spencer’s job offer was what was giving us this special treatment, I was thankful that Henry was getting such a personal touch out of it. Surely so much one-on-one time with the president himself would give Henry a leg up at admissions. Spencer and I trailed behind the two quietly as we watched Henry fall deeper in love with Caltech. Spencer put his arm around my waist as he leaned over to whisper, “What do you think? Can you imagine him calling this place home?”

—————————

We sat in the car as we drove back to the Air BnB with the local easy listening station as our soundtrack. Henry had decided to stay in the dorms for the night after he had met and felt more comfortable with Jamal, the student President Winters had set him up to shadow. Luckily, Spencer had secretly put Henry’s suitcase in the trunk before we had left in the morning, knowing that this might be a possibility. 

“You’re awfully quiet,” Spence said flatly as I propped my head against the window.

“I didn’t realize how hard this would be,” I sighed.

“What? Sending him off to college? Seeing him grow up?”

“Kind of. Seeing how happy he could be in a place so far from me. I miss him already and he’s not even done with High School. And then, on top of it all, seeing your face light up at every single thing you recognized. That was far more painful that I could have ever imagined.” 

Spencer was silent. I looked over to him, and could tell he was listening as closely as he could while still paying attention to the road. “I just… almost hate this place for trying to take you away from me too. Isn’t taking Henry enough? I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it. What is my life like back in Virginia without you in it? Whatever it is, it’s not a life I’m interested in. I need you, Spence. I prepared myself for losing Henry to far off and exciting places, I didn’t prepare myself for losing you and I’m falling apart just thinking about it.”

Spencer pulled over, parking on the side of a random stretch of road. I bowed my head down as my tears started to stream down my face. Gently, Spencer guided my chin to face towards him as he leaned only inches away from me. “JJ, don’t you understand? I could be on the other side of the country, or the other side of the world,” he gave a sweet little laugh, “I could be on the other side of the galaxy and we could have the entire Milky Way between us, but you will never lose me.” He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose. A shy smile peaked between my tears. Then, I put my lips against his. 

I could feel Spencer stop breathing for a moment, and then he wrapped his long fingers through my hair and around the back of my neck and kissed me until my tears stopped completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it has been taking me so long to update-- work has been very busy the last couple weeks. However, I am very driven to complete this story, even if it takes awhile! Hopefully I'll be able to update more regularly now that everything is calming down. Thank you for all of your support, comments, and kudos. I can't express how encouraging it is to me!


	7. Good Night//Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer and JJ spend a night and morning together while Henry is at Caltech. Spencer still considers his job offer.

Spencer drew back from my mouth, “We probably shouldn’t stay parked on the side of the road like this… let’s head back to the house?” I nodded, unable to say anything. Was this really happening? A wide smile spread across Spencer’s face until we pulled into the driveway. 

My heart was still pounding as we walked to the front door and he clumsily unlocked it. His shaking hands told me that he was feeling this raw adrenaline too. As soon as our feet reached the carpet, he grabbed me, hands around my waist. He looked intently into my eyes while he pleaded, “JJ- please. I’ve been holding myself back for so many years, and after that… I… I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to stop myself, but I have to know… I need to know you want this too. At least for tonight.” 

The corners of my mouth crept into a nervous smile, I nodded.

With that permission, he hastily brought his mouth to mine, biting my bottom lip. His warm hands traced the belt line of my jeans, and then slipped under my shirt. He pulled me to the couch, luckily only a few feet away, and I straddled him. Slowly, he hiked my shirt up and pulled it over my head, leaving my hair tousled and tangled in front of my face. I giggled as he tucked the unruly strands behind my ears, “You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispered and then kissed me gently on the cheek. We stayed in that position, just looking at each other thoughtfully. “If you would have told me at 25 that I would one day be looking at Jennifer Jareau in her bra straddling me, I may have died on the spot.”

My cheeks flushed pink and I looked away from him embarrassed, “Spence, if you plan on taking any more clothes off of me tonight, I’d talk less about you dying.”

“I think I can do that,” he smirked as I started to unbutton his shirt. 

He pulled me closer and then started unzipping my jeans and shimmying them down my legs. We both laughed as he awkwardly tried to pull them off, getting them stuck once or twice until they were on the floor. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right,” he sighed as he scooped me up and carried me to the bed. 

Spencer set me down gently and I laid stretched out, slightly arching my back. He followed my bra straps up and down with his fingers. “Umm… may I?” He looked at me bashfully. He was so damn polite. Even when we were about to have sex. But, I couldn’t laugh at his sincerity, I just nodded gently and breathed, “yes, of course.”

Slowly, Spencer reached behind me to unbuckle my bra. The pressure from the clasps loosened and I let it fall to my side. My palms were covered with sweat, both wanting this and terrified that we had come this far. His lips covered my breasts and I breathed heavily, trying to focus only on this perfect moment. I reached down to start removing my underwear, signaling to Spencer that he could strip me bare. He did.

As I lay naked and fully exposed in front of him, I couldn’t help but think that this was the most honest I’d ever been with both him and myself.

—————————

“JJ,” a whisper and soft shake woke me. Spencer was sitting on the side of the bed in his boxers, a cup of coffee stretched out in front of him.

“I come with caffeine,” he smiled as I took the warm mug from him, he bent down and kissed my forehead, “Good morning by the way, my dear.”

“Thanks, good morning to you too,” I murmured, still trying to wake up. It was as if I was trying to re-orient myself and make sure I wasn’t dreaming. “So, what’s the plan for today?”

“Well, that’s actually why I woke you up… President Winters would like to get brunch with me and discuss the position. I told him I would happily do so if you could join us. Are you up to that?”

“If that’s what you want,” I nodded, bringing me back to the reality of our situation. Spencer had still been offered a job- maybe eve his dream job. Spencer still loved Caltech more than almost anything. Last night hadn’t change that. Or if it did, not in a clear-cut way. Even with that doubt, I couldn’t help but smile as I looked at his sleepy eyes, messy hair, and bare chest. In some ways, this was the life I had always wanted, Spencer bringing me coffee in bed with a good morning kiss. 

My shower took longer than usual as I tried to replay the details of last night, trying to picture Spencer’s face of release over and over in my head. I slipped into a casual white and blue striped sundress, trying to embrace the outfits that would usually hang in the back of my closet without an occasion to wear them.

“You ready?” Spencer asked as he tied up his Converse. He looked up at me and smiled, “Wow, you look amazing. California looks good on you.” While I knew that was meant as a compliment, my stomach turned, worrying that he said things like that to warm me up to his possible new home.

Spencer drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding my hand. We hadn’t discussed if this was going anywhere, but part of me knew that he was trying to get in these moments before Henry joined us again. Henry couldn’t know that anything had changed between us, at least not until after a very long and awkward conversation. I squeezed his hand, trying to communicate my approval without saying anything.

I knew the trendy, clean eating type of restaurant the second we saw the sign with beautifully designed lettering, and a mural painted on one side for 20-somethings to take instagram pictures in front of. I could tell Spencer was thinking the same thing, because he laughed to himself as soon as we parked. Poor President Winters, if he actually knew Spencer we would be meeting at some Mom and Pop Diner. 

“JJ, you don’t have to say much if you don’t want to,” he stated as he turned over to look at me, “But I do want you to listen to what the guy has to say. I need to consider this with thought and care, and there’s no one I’d rather do that with than you.” He kissed my cheek one last time and opened the car door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments on the last chapter, everybody! They drive me to get these chapters out quicker! I know this chapter is was a little different than the others-- I hope I still did it justice.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first ever post and first ever attempt at fan fiction, so it's probably not very good. Since quarantine has started I've seen all of Criminal Minds for the first time, and my mind keeps coming back to the characters, so I thought I'd give this a try.


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